To Take Or Not To Take A Solo Trip

Typing away post lunch, I realized I needed a break. Since the only one available right now was a 5-minute break on BuzzFeed, I quickly scrolled through articles and zeroed in on why everyone should take at least one solo trip in a lifetime (or something like that).

After going through 10 short points and a few random pics, I had a startling observation. That trip which I had planned every few months since I started my work life hadn't happened till now, and in all likelihood, would not in the immediate future.

There were more 'important' things to do, you see. There were friends' weddings, family commitments, festivals, peaceful weekends (a rarity to say the least). But the space to actually go on a solo trip? Nope. Not one bit.

As time has passed and life has become more stable (can be confused with boring but my friends assure it's the former), the thought of a solo trip has slowly faded away. Had completely disappeared, in fact, till this 5-minute break woke me up.

Earlier when I had just started working and income was, well, not enough to splurge on fancy trips, I restricted myself to trying new cuisines. 

Few years down the line, I can easily take a weekend or a few days off and go someplace peaceful, thanks to leave balance and money in the bank. But here I am, sitting and typing away instead of taking the solo trip which I need, let alone 'want'.

Of course, there's consent of parents. That's another challenge. But there are ways around that too, if only I try enough. 

The thing is, this so called comfortable/boring/stable life has made me stop thinking about what really matters. Sure I spend enough quality time with the closest people, but not enough time doing things for myself. I'm not talking about making doodles, cards, quotes, writing in free time or even dancing till I crash. The bigger things, the dreams I had made for myself...in short, the bigger picture of my life.

Not So Easy

She was easy to please

Easy to convince

Easy to mould

Easy to run over

She was a soft hearted woman

Who believed kindness should be a norm

That being soft and caring was a state of being

But she soon learnt life was diametrically opposite

That innocence could be misused

That love wasn't enough to overcome hatred

That people would stoop low

And 'that' would be the way of life

She survived, sometimes tearfully sometimes gratefully

It was an every day challenge

A constant battle between acceptance and change

Her will to stay who she is vs. who she is 'supposed' to be

She had fallen plenty of times

Like a phoenix bursting into flames

Only to be reborn again

With wings to break free and soar high

Michael Jackson Lives On

Remember The Time - Michael Jackson.

The book just came to an end. A little relieved and a little disappointed by the ending. Somewhere I thought the last few pages of the book will reveal the truth about his death. How he died, what really happened, who was responsible for it. Why didn't anyone save him or at least try to on time?

All these questions about the way it ended for him left unanswered. But maybe the book wasn't about clearing all those doubts. maybe the truth was never meant to be known, no matter how desperately we searched for it.

The book itself is phenomenal. Not in the way that the story portrayed is magnificent, but the simplicity with which MJ's life has been described. 

Frankly, I don't know where to start. I have never written book reviews, and have in fact never read a book about a famous person before. Was not interested to be honest. But when I heard there is a book about Michael Jackson, I ordered it right away. I didn't know what was in store for me, just wanted to read and see for myself. 

The book had me hooked from page 1, the introduction. The first song that I can think of right now is 'Stranger in Moscow'. How does it feel to be Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, the living legend, the man for whom people have sacrificed their personal lives, their careers and everything normal? Happy and lonely at the same time, probably.

What you see when you think of MJ are songs like 'Beat It', Bad, Thriller, Dangerous, Jackson 5 songs. And then there's a side to him which shows you a part of his soul - Stranger In Moscow, Why Don't You Just Leave Me Alone et al. 

As i turned page after page reading about his life, his peaceful times with family, the love he had for people close to him, songs kept running through my head. Everything described in those pages could be translated into songs. He didn't have many to confide in, and all his emotions poured out in the form of songs. The soulful music that is loved by millions the world over. 

There were simple times, tough times; and funny moments interspersed between chapters speaking about his hardships. 

I cried once, when the book started (although I might just start crying as I write this). When I opened the book, I just kept staring at it, a pause before you open the chapter of someone's life, and that too of the man you've admired, respected, have high regard for. Whose music got me through the highs and lows, and every song inspired me to accept life as is. A song for every mood, a sweet voice floating through the speakers every time.

Once I started reading there was no turning back. The book was there with me at all times. Literally. I would spend hours curled up, the book held gently in my hand. I was reading the most treasured book of my life. 

As the events unfolded, I could almost see it play out in front of me. There were no images of him or his family, or the people involved, but you didn't need it. The way Bill and Javon described it made it easy to transform words into a world which you could enter. 

I was laughing one minute and sitting dazed and shocked the next. It was a turmoil, a whole wave of emotions that gripped me. It's not a happy or sad book. There's no one feeling associated with it, it's everything. All words that have been used to describe emotions.

The best thing about this book is that I finally got to see a world which has not been trashed by the media or news reporters or haters who simply thought the worst of him. Because no one knew about it. A part of his reality which was so personal no one could have gotten the wind of it.  

As I read chapters, I went online and searched for the people associated with his life. All of them. From his 'countless' fake managers to people claiming to be his well wishers. It was all nonsense. A bunch of lies. I kept reading the book and seeing what was written about him online. Few times, I was so furious after seeing articles I could have screamed at those people who ultimately pushed him to his death.

It was like a spider's web and he was right in the middle of it. No way to get out of it, no matter how badly he wanted to. 

After reading this book, I don't even care what ill things people have to say about him. It doesn't matter anymore. There is a truth that Bill and Javon wanted the world to know about him, and it's finally there. 

I can only thank them for having taken the effort to make this happen. Maybe that's what working for a man like Michael Jackson made you do - do things for love instead of money.

You are the greatest inspiration in my life, Michael Jackson. Always will be. This book would have made you proud.

Keep Smiling up there, we always will remembering you :) 

God Bless You Michael Jackson

My Quest For The Best Rajma Rice In Delhi

So I woke up today with a certain restlessness. It had been a while since I had written anything. Well, anything that's related to my life. I do express through blogs on a regular basis but they aren't personal. 

After reading about travel on twitter links, I started reading about the one thing I love most - food. And on buzzfeed, an article caught my eye - 12 donuts eaten by a man in one day.

Seriously? Which crazy man would want to eat 12 donuts (and travel 13 miles to do that)? But then I realized, food lovers are a crazy lot. 

Like the time when I started working, all I did was try rajma chaawal across all places in Delhi for a year. My salary wasn't much and ideally, I should have been saving instead of paying for dishes that I can easily get made at home. 

However, I wanted to be a food critic, a la Vir Sanghvi, and know where the best rajma rice is offered in Delhi. 

In the first year of my first job, I lost count of how many restaurants I ordered rajma chaawal in. Sometimes, they didn't even have it on the menu and I would sweetly ask the chef to make piping hot rajma rice. I have tasted some amazing dishes as a result of this journey. But there have been instances when the dish was watery, way too heavy, or so spicy that the masalalingered on even after I had downed few glasses of water.    

During that year, it's amazing how many people became tired of my obsession. My parents thought I'm crazy (but of course) and others - well, they were surprised my love for one dish didn't fade away.

Now, I have been working for 4 years and guess what? I still eat rajma chaawal when I go out for meals. I don't go out of the way anymore to taste but I do like to re-live the good old days once in a while.

After all, nothing's better than a crazy journey you take alone and smile about for years to come :)

A minute to spare

I have been missing from writing in the blog I created to 'express' - myself, my life, my beliefs, my aspirations, my creativity.
I have simply told myself, all this while, that I am 'busy'. You know the usual things - work, getting rid of problems, handling the changes in life. So busy that I have not had 10 minutes to take out in the past few months just to be able to pour out everything I have been going through.
The best part about being busy is that you have no time to brood over negative things. The worst part is that the feelings fill up your heart, bordering on the point of overflowing, and you carry on living and don't realize what has really been going on in your life.
Just to take out this minute from my life to pause and write, it was almost a barrier that I had to break through to finally listen to myself, my heart, my mind and stop ignoring my own self. So much has happened that I was almost afraid to step back, observe and just write from my heart.

Life has been a blur, every day has been whizzing past me and I have absolutely no idea when I get up, go to work, have some fun and do a whole lot stories, sit through meetings that I wish I could doze off in, and then come back dead tired, only to fall asleep and wake up the next morning sleepy eyed yet again.
And though I am usually doing 'nautanki', a part of me is just so tired. There have been days when I have stared at food on my plate and chewed it slowly, not being able to taste the wonderful flavors. I blame my exhaustion on the commute, but I know my body being drained out is not the root cause of my state right now.
I have been living a life that's been full of change, in fact too many changes have taken place this year. Career, studies, personal front - it's all been one big shift from the life I have been living the past few years. What's hit me the most is ignorance of my own thoughts in this entire process. There has not even been a single moment when I have just spent time by myself and had a long look at my life - what has been happening, what is necessary, how is this change in life affecting me.

I didn't even pause to look at the result of my own actions - so many times I have deliberately hurt, or ignored someone, or done things which did not seem to be my own doing. And now here I am, at the onset of November (which I am sure will pass by as quickly as the other months), finally paying attention to the journey of this year, and life in the present moment. What a year! Time to sit back and relax - not the kind where I watch Masterchef Australia or make others laugh with my random acts during the day, but do what I love doing the most - read novels, write, sketch, dance and live life slowly to enjoy every minute.

Japan earthquake (and other calamities) - balance of life

Japan, and the earthquake. And the tsunami. Everybody is posting messages on how tragic this is. News channels are having a field day with an event like this, showing it repeatedly and contemplating what will happen next.
Human beings are in mourning for people who are no more/ have been injured in this cruel act of nature.
And then there is a person like me, who finds it hard to imagine the magnitude of it, being safe in the office.
When I was informed of this earthquake, I quickly went on time.com and updated myself by reading 'breaking news'. People had started to write messages related to the loss of Japan within minutes.
We mourn, and then we forget. We will join groups, claiming to be united, and then slowly fade away into our daily lives with no botheration about any tragedy.
The truth is this: People die, some way or the other. It can be in the form of earthquakes, tsunami, hurricane, illness, accidents, plane/train crash.
I have never a part of any natural disaster and therefore cannot 'understand' what it is like to be in that situation, but I do know what it feels like when tremors make you so scared that you promise yourself in those minutes that you will value your life if you survive.
Natural disasters grab headlines, human beings dying in illness rarely do. But both of these events involve death. Every minute there are people dying in this world because they have been shot, or killed, or stopped breathing because life beat them to it. And this count is more than that of any calamity.
Some day we will all leave this world, at least our current lives (for those who believe in reincarnation). And this can happen any way, either in peace or in the face of terror.
In times like these, with this shocking magnitude of earthquake, I hear people say 'This is the fault of human beings'. Really? I agree we are making the situation worse for ourselves, by ill treating nature, but to blame ourselves for an event like this is of no use.
We believe mankind is do-it-all, a whole big clan who consist of leaders in every way. We think 'we' can destroy, 'we' can achieve, 'we' can build. What we forget in this act of foolishness is that there is a power beyond us, higher than us. And whoever that power is; its doing a brilliant job of maintaining the entire universe in sync.
Yes, we suffer and tragedies like this happen, but this is a way of balancing the world - yin and yang, positive and negative.
There is a power governing us, higher than any government, or any system.
Today, I know I have a big gift - that of life, of living even though there are others who are going through immense pain and loss. But I also know that every day, the higher power is balancing the birth and the death of each individual. It will do what it has to, be it in my country, or any other.
If this world was left up to mankind, we would surely all be dead by now, and not have even waited for next generation to grow up and continue the legacy of life.
Thankfully, 'it' is there to guide existence of our world, and growth of mankind. It will make sure that this world continues to live.

Ten commandments for next decade

No regret - Let's face it, some things in life go beyond cribbing - they border on regret. We don't have to live in regret. Some people, circumstances weren't the best for us - big deal. We can change that at any time.

No pain, no gain - No one's life is perfect. Period. Someone's life may look all rosy and blissful, but everyone lives wishing for some thing they lack in their lives. I doubt there is anyone who has perfect partner, money (that they desire), health, skills and personality.
Push yourself to earn what you don't have. Just remember to keep a little balance in life (an open eye to all aspects), even when passion or focus drives you in a direction.

Live and enjoy - All right, so we have all gone through some mad phases of not knowing where our actions will take is - life is uncertain in more ways than one. Quit worrying, because you are wasting that time in not living your own life.
Situations/people/life might turn a tide against your wishes, but that gives you no right to cry and sulk and be de-motivated. Be strong, and enjoy - you will cheer up yourself and others too.

Dream big - All of us are in our 20s. Some are married, and some are slogging to build a foundation. There are others who have reached a phase where lot of life-altering decisions have to be made. Don't stoop down to ground level when it comes to what you want in your life. Yes, these might be castles that exist in the sky for now, but they are your castles. Build the base high enough and you can have it all.

Smile - I see so many pictures where people are smiling and laughing, but only momentarily. Most of them (at least for girls) are all about looking 'pretty'. Smile everyday, it can be for dumbest of reasons no one has to know. Wanting to crack up but can't because of what people might think? Forget it, and just laugh. Find the humor in anything, and day can turn around just like that.

Be yourself - With all due respect to society and others, there are times we have to wear a certain mask in front of certain groups of people. With family you are different, with close friends you are entirely different, with a partner you got to weigh out the situation at times and forget yourself.
Why? For what. Be yourself! It's seriously only one life (until and unless you believe in re-incarnation, in which case you might as well stop reading the entire page).

Patient and kind - Yes, two very big words rolled in one point. Being kind doesn't mean you got to be fake in front of people you don't like. It means you are courageous enough to not be bitchy and gossip about anyone and everyone. At the same time, being known as the 'mr/ miss sweet' by ALL probably shows you are acting. Very well.
Be patient with people who don't see eye to eye on issues. Yeah, its all right if their reasons don't make sense. Everyone is different in their outlook. To each his own. And let's make peace with that, instead of arguing or fault finding.

Bad habits - No, this is not a 'new year' resolution. Quit, whatever it is that is harming you. And that goes beyond drinking, smoking, drugs (joints included, for those who will be defensive as always). It includes personality traits that have become habits, just that you haven't seen them become so in recent years.
Right from abusing, to shouting, to causing hurt to others deliberately (even if you pretend otherwise). All these things hurt others around you, but more than anything they hurt you. No one's health or peace is going to be disturbed for long if you treat them that bad. They will take it for a while, then leave. Drop it, you are good enough not to use these weapons in life.

Genuine people - Being 20+, our brain power has increased to see for ourselves who is genuine in our lives. You don't HAVE to meet people who drive you crazy, or compromise because of some favor you owe, or be on your best behavior to people who are not worth the attention.
Some are genuine, most are not. And yes, one point - if you are genuine for someone, you got no right to think that they should be genuine for you too. It's a people chain, sometimes it will be reciprocated - be happy. Lots of times it won't - take that into stride as well.

Love yourself - Now this is the last and final point, for everyone. Just love yourself endlessly, there isn't any boundary or depth to how much you should or can. Life till now, we haven't made all decisions that are always wise and sensible. We have loved a lot, lost a little, and felt sad too.
Problems have happened, life has changed, relationships that were meant to last were broken, families have had issues that couldn't be resolved the way we wanted. Times have been where feeling of being 'unloved' existed.
The one, amazing way to get through the roller coaster ride of your life - love your self, even if people don't love the way you want to be loved.

I have not included words such as faith, trust, belief, intuition, inner voice, karma, destiny because that's something which are different names to a person's way of living life. And it goes deeper than any point listed here. All I can say, as a parting note, is believe in the person who is you. There is only one of you (even if you are a twin). :)

Cheers to all.

And yes, Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year! Here is to an awesome new decade of life.