I have been missing from writing in the blog I created to 'express' - myself, my life, my beliefs, my aspirations, my creativity.
I have simply told myself, all this while, that I am 'busy'. You know the usual things - work, getting rid of problems, handling the changes in life. So busy that I have not had 10 minutes to take out in the past few months just to be able to pour out everything I have been going through.
The best part about being busy is that you have no time to brood over negative things. The worst part is that the feelings fill up your heart, bordering on the point of overflowing, and you carry on living and don't realize what has really been going on in your life.
Just to take out this minute from my life to pause and write, it was almost a barrier that I had to break through to finally listen to myself, my heart, my mind and stop ignoring my own self. So much has happened that I was almost afraid to step back, observe and just write from my heart.
Life has been a blur, every day has been whizzing past me and I have absolutely no idea when I get up, go to work, have some fun and do a whole lot stories, sit through meetings that I wish I could doze off in, and then come back dead tired, only to fall asleep and wake up the next morning sleepy eyed yet again.
And though I am usually doing 'nautanki', a part of me is just so tired. There have been days when I have stared at food on my plate and chewed it slowly, not being able to taste the wonderful flavors. I blame my exhaustion on the commute, but I know my body being drained out is not the root cause of my state right now.
I have been living a life that's been full of change, in fact too many changes have taken place this year. Career, studies, personal front - it's all been one big shift from the life I have been living the past few years. What's hit me the most is ignorance of my own thoughts in this entire process. There has not even been a single moment when I have just spent time by myself and had a long look at my life - what has been happening, what is necessary, how is this change in life affecting me.
I didn't even pause to look at the result of my own actions - so many times I have deliberately hurt, or ignored someone, or done things which did not seem to be my own doing. And now here I am, at the onset of November (which I am sure will pass by as quickly as the other months), finally paying attention to the journey of this year, and life in the present moment. What a year! Time to sit back and relax - not the kind where I watch Masterchef Australia or make others laugh with my random acts during the day, but do what I love doing the most - read novels, write, sketch, dance and live life slowly to enjoy every minute.
